Cell phone review: Nokia 3660

A friend of mine was looking to upgrade his phone and asked a few people for their opinion on their existing phones. This got me thinking about the cry for help that is my cell phone. The Nokia 3660....this was my response:

My cell phone utilizes the latest in Russian micro-technology, weighing only 1 1/2 lbs. Staying away from risky 20th century technologies, it harkens back to the days of old, running only a coal-fired steam engine.

It does have a camera, boasting an impressive 16x9 aspect ratio....which is also its resolution. This is a great feature, as it makes the pixels much easier to see, at no extra cost! It comes complete with tripod, a black shroud, and one of those big flashes that goes POOF and makes a lot of smoke.

Speaking of smoke...the cunning employment of it, along with mirrors, gives you the IMPRESSION you're making a phone call, but in reality, it only has the ability to play a recording saying "beep .... beep....beeep" which, after looking through the provided stone tablets that serve as a manual, evidently means I don't have coverage.

Apparently for the phone to work, you need to actually be holding on to the cell phone tower.
That's the phone over there on the left. I'm not sure what phone is pictured in the middle.

See. Snap. Send. Well...they're right about the first two. That's precisely what happened.

Number one feature: doubles as a gym.